david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
