Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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