Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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