Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
