shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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