He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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