Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
