these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
