i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
