Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
