I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
