And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
