hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
