I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
