I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize