Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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