$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
