I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
