nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
