he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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