Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
