Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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