BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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