You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
