You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
