Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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