Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I look excited, but its just a facade.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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