Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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