I seem to have left my pride at pride
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
