I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
