apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
