lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
