what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
