Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't deserve a penis
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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