Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
