I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
