Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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