What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
