...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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