I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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