My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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