you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
