Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
