My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
