How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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