Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
