I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
