Don't you send me to vm
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
