went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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