Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
