I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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