Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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