I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
