Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize